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go find yourself and be that. // Messy mind 1


For as long as I can remember, I didn’t really know who I was, and certainly not who I wanted to be. I’ve always been this shy, unconfident girl who was bad at making decisions for herself and therefore I always looked at what others were doing, and did that, too. But as I started traveling this year, my whole thinking started changing, including my opinion about myself.

I think there might be a lot more people who can relate to this than I believe, so here’s the thing: I’ve decided to start something new on here, something I’ve already been doing in other posts, but now it’s gonna be only that. I will share my thoughts, raw and unfiltered, in separate posts, kind of like diary entries. I don’t care how many people read it, whether it’s gonna be a lot or just 2, and maybe it will help some people, maybe it will help only me or maybe it will just make some people think more about certain things. I used to wonder a lot what other people might be thinking, and whether I was the only one thinking ‘like that’. If you can relate, this is for you: thoughts of another human being, trying to find her way in this world.

It’s also gonna be a way to share my photos, cause I’ve been taking a lot of them this year. Oh and i’ll save paper! Win-win for everybody 😉

Alright, that was the introduction, here we go:

Chapter one: Canada.

Oh Canada, you’re so beautiful. First sentence. Just had to mention this. Now that: I am so excited right now. My mood can change like the wind changes its direction, but right now it feels as if everything is as it should be. I can do anything, i can be free if i want to be, you can be free, we can be free. Cause the only thing that gives us the feeling of not being free or not being able to do whatever it is we want is our own thoughts. Do you hear me? You can do whatever the hell you want. Period. Don’t listen to anybody telling you what you should or shouldn’t be doing. It’s your life, and you decide.

Another thing I learned over the last few months is this: It’s all about that perspective. The world is as beautiful as you make it. There are so many terrible things happening on this planet every day, and people have created so much ugly shit out there, it’s unbelievable. But you can’t let that drag you down. Stand up for what you believe is right, fight for the things you believe in, and fight for your dreams. Create that f*cking fairytale. But what you can’t change, let it go. Ban those negative thoughts from your mind. You will see your whole reality shift. Cause you’re actually pretty awesome. Life is beautiful. You just have to find the things that make you happy, the people, the music, the books, the places. And have a little trust that the universe will always find a way to make the right things happen, and to give you exactly what you need to grow and become the most amazing person you can be.

Back to the roots now: Canada. To be exact: British Columbia, Sunshine Coast, Halfmoon Bay. Sunshine Coast and Halfmoon Bay. I love the sound of those names. Like where some magical fairytale story would be set. And it could be. Just look at the pictures. The mountains, the forest, the sea. The people here are so amazing, so kind and full of positive energy, it’s so peaceful. And those tiny villages, they have so many things to explore there. The wooden houses. The cafés. The small independent shops. The bookstores. The farmer’s markets. The health food stores (obviously i had to mention this, i already got myself a nice collection of exciting stuff: beetroot powder, roasted carob powder, black sesame seeds, mystery butter made from 3 different nuts). And i began to realize that, when you only have positive people around you, and stay away from the negative people, you start noticing all those small things that make you happy. Like when i walked down that beautiful road in the woods yesterday. When i found that collection of wooden houses with shops in them. When they had vegan options in that super cute café with the name ‘Gumboot’. When that girl walked in with a pile of books she got from the library. When i walked out of that same library with my own pile of books (4,25C$ for 5 books!!). When we watched the sunset over the sea and the island. I could go on and on here.

There are so many things getting me excited right now, like learning a lot more about all different kinds of things, talking to all those amazing powerful positive people, making food for everybody, taking pictures, reading new and old books, playing around in the grass (which i’m gonna do after i finish writing this hehe), going to that concert in November, going home for a while and seeing some wonderful people again, doing the usual Saturday activism again (google cube of truth/ Anonymous for the Voiceless), and so much more. This is gonna be awesome. I can do this. You can do this. We can do anything. Watch me. Watch us.

So here’s a task for you: Write down all the small things that have made you happy lately, that have made you smile. Start noticing more of them. Get enthusiastic over something. Start something. Finish something. Create wonderful shit. Then tell me how it went. Now go out there and be awesome. See you soon.

xx, Jezebel

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