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2019-12-08

I wanna tell you a story. The story of why I started this blog. And why I stopped working on it for a while. And some other stuff that i realized this year. This post is for me and everyone who needs to be reminded of how amazing they are, and how amazing life can be if you embrace it. 

I started this blog at sixteen, just as I was starting to find out who I really am. Beneath all the crap that school and my parents and basically almost every other person I’d met so far had taught me about how the world works and who I should be. I decided that I wanted a place where I could collect all the things that fascinate me, basically creating an ever evolving vision board. And meanwhile motivating myself to do the things that I love to do. Like writing dreamy stuff, taking beautiful photographs, and making art in general. Mainly food art made from plants. And finding information on how to be kinder to the planet and ourselves.

I was aware that literally anyone would be able so see and read everything on that blog, but I mainly started it for myself. And I figured it would be great if I could inspire even just a few people on the way to be kinder to the themselves and the earth.

All my life, the people around me kept telling me how they thought the world worked. And what they thought I should do based on those beliefs. In my head, all that collided with two of my main traits and created a major conflict in me: I am a dreamer down to the core; and I am really empathetic which makes me an easy target to the manipulation of my mind and feelings. Most people I encountered till I finished High School put all those negative beliefs of how the world works in my mind. All those beliefs were so opposite to my natural picture of the world, that soon I started doubting my own thoughts and ideas. I started doubting my right to even participate in life on this planet, because if all my beliefs were wrong according to those that explained the world to me, then what was the point of me being there and being myself? Eventually all the pressure that was created by the words of so many „adults“ became too much, until the point that I literally couldn’t do anything anymore. It pinned me to the ground and made sure I stayed there, unable to move, only trying to survive and defend myself as best as possible. Now I know this sounds like a tragic story. The story of a kid that was crushed by the adults. But it really isn’t. 

This is the story of a girl who had to experience going to a really dark place in her mind, in order to realize that this wasn’t the way it was supposed to be. That the only way to get back into the light was to fully connect to her true self and completely disempower negative outer influences. So you see, this isn’t a sad story. If anything it’s a really powerful story. Cause once I realized all this, I realized that I am the only one who gets to decide what i do and when i do it. That that is the only way to live my true story, to learn all the things I’m supposed to learn in this life, and to create the things I came here to create. Nothing ever happens without a reason. 

I learned so much this year. How important it is to really listen to your intuition and not the bullshit stories your head or other people tell you. Cause if you don’t listen to your Soul, sooner or later your body or some outer circumstances will force you to do that. I kinda learned that the hard way this year, but that’s another story. The power of writing down your thoughts, and making lists of all the good things happening. How important it is to not let other people’s moods affect your own. That you’re allowed to find a new family for yourself, cause the one you’re born into isn’t always the one that’s your soul family. How amazing it feels to really become yourself and do your own thing. How powerful it is to have friends that 100% support and love you. That don’t think you’re out of your mind, no matter what crazy stuff you come up with. 

So here i am now. Finally starting to focus on what i want, and doing something about it. I’m a photographer, a foodie, a writer, an adventurer. Probably a couple more things. And i’m perfect at neither of those. But they’re fun. Which is why they’re part of me. 

Jezebel
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